Well
because the Boston Marathon will be ran this coming Monday and it has been 5
years since I ran Boston. Great job to those who have competed in Boston this year!!!
Also,
it has been 5 years to this day that I posted my struggles and truimpths of my
racing career, life in general, dealing with Aspergers Syndrome and how it lead
up to me running Boston a few days later.
I
would read both of these before you read this blog post or if you have the
time. Some things have changed, but unfortunately some things remain. My sister
moved back home to finish her degree but I was able to buy a home a few years
later. I got a promotion to another area or team at work but it’s not the
promotion I wanted. I got into coaching track and cross country, which I really
enjoy. Though I feel nothing has changed for the better in my Dating,
Friendships and Spiritual Life. It’s either at a standstill or I feel they have
gotten worse for bit over the last few years.
First
off, work has been a little better. But, I still haven’t gotten the promotion I
wanted. Though I have gotten to know some people in the higher up and they are
willing to give me some resume advice on how I can better my chances so I’m
grateful for that. I’m now teleworking 2 days a week so I can feel I can get
work done at home quietly. 2 days is fine for me. I don’t mind going into the
office 3 days a week. Though 3 days a week is more than plenty seeing of those people.
I feel that there are a few that have problems of their own that complain and
try to bring the others down. Sound familiar, sorry for this its my therapy.
I’m actually glad I got 2 days a week to work from home. Sometimes 5 days a
week with some of them is too much.
I gotten along better with others at work but
I realize that I’m very different than others at work. There are others in my building that I love to talk to due to some of them being active as I am but the problem is they work in different areas and it's hard to at least get to know them better.
With the ones I do work with it I just seems we live a different lifestyles, I’m active and I encourage others to be active because active bodies create active minds!! You’re never too old to be active no matter how busy you are. I dunno I feel there are some days where getting a real estate license or computer skills training is sounding better everyday. I respect our military but I feel as if because I didn't serve, or have family that works at DFAS its hard for me to move up no matter if I have a degree or not. Keep praying for me in my work.
With the ones I do work with it I just seems we live a different lifestyles, I’m active and I encourage others to be active because active bodies create active minds!! You’re never too old to be active no matter how busy you are. I dunno I feel there are some days where getting a real estate license or computer skills training is sounding better everyday. I respect our military but I feel as if because I didn't serve, or have family that works at DFAS its hard for me to move up no matter if I have a degree or not. Keep praying for me in my work.
Coaching
to me has been a blessing no matter how at times the kids can get uptight or spacey.
I’ve had some kids whom are willing to work and get better. Middle School is
very different motivation. One day I like to move up to High School in one or
the other (Cross or Track). Running with them, encouraging them, and watching
them succeed is a blessing. I’m sadly starting to think that every different class
of kids I get to coach might be the closest thing I will ever get to have a
family of my own. L To me the extra money getting
paid is nice that’s why I’m not doing it.
I want them to work hard, enjoy the sport or have fun with, and know
what teamwork, dedication, and perseverance. Same thing my coaches have taught
me.
Theirs
and the parents thank yous is also enough for me. That’s one of the things I was trying to
get from my job but I feel like I haven’t gotten it. I think you work better or
feel appreciated if others thanked you for your work. Teachers, Retail
Employees, Coaches or Mentors, Preachers or even Mechanics seem to get it more
than businessmen who sit at a computer desk all day. I think it may have to do
with face to face interaction.
Running
has been much better since Boston in 2012 & 2013 with great races. But I
ended up with a back injury in the Winter of 2014 that has affected me on &
off for the last 2 years. Though I had some great moments such as another 1:11
Half Marathon in the Fall of 2014 in Columbus and this past year running enough
races to earn a lot of points was 2nd place in the RUNOHIO Grand
Prix and got me interviewed for the 2nd time ever.
I’ve
won a lot of trophies and medals over the years. Hate to brag and put these up
here but this is a showing of what I won. To me it shows dedication,
perseverance, and the love of a sport. Though the only they have collect over
the years is dust or wait for another trophy or medal to go with them.
Unfortunately,
the stress of work, being busy with Coaching has made my running take a little
bit of a backseat so far over the last month. One week I’m over 65 the next I’m
barely hitting 40. I decided to run shorter stuff this spring 5k-10k in hopes
to add less stress over my body I put myself through the last few years. I feel
as one of the veterans of the CRC Elite team I dunno how much longer I can keep
torturing myself. It's getting harder and harder every year to motivate myself to run.
Running
has been a Major Blessing but in some ways a Minor Curse. Taking heat from
Family for missing or being late to functions, not being able to hang out with
my Friends more often, lose girls that I really liked or we both tried to have
a relationship & the interest just faded away. I’m proud of what I have
done, if I walked away I could be happy but so far it’s the only great feeling
I get to do after a long and hard day of work.
People
always ask me what I train for next. Usually that’s the thing. I train for one
race I do very good. The problem is WHAT’S
NEXT AFTER THAT??? Days are very
hard to come home just to myself to. I have some personal time but I have a lot
of it. The only person whom I’m accountable for is me. I’m the only to pick
myself up after being let down of a bad race or injury. Family is always there
to talk & believe me I’m thankful and I love them for it. But there is so
much they can do being hours away.
One
last point I bring up is hoping for a woman to come into my life. Honestly, she
would have to be truly special to deal with me I believe. I’m like that Lee
Brice Song “Hard to Love” (Look it up on YouTube or ITunes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpVtPSlUr3I
I believe that’s what I need someone to pick me up or encourage me,
support me and I know I would do the same.
I’ve
seen Friends, get Engaged, get Married, Have Kids, and even get Divorced. Heck
one of my best Friends in College got Divorced years ago but got Remarried and
now they are expecting a child & yet I’m not even at my First Marriage yet.
A couple more friends and family getting married or divorced. I'm trying to grow up but its hard.
I’m
actually living in this Seinfeld Episode
I dunno people say I'm young but I'm not that young. A guy whose in his early 30's and still Single. Honestly I'm think I'm looking in the right places or that I think I am. People say were too busy to hang out or relationships but we have plenty of time we just don't realize it.
Though, my church attendance has been much better lately my prayer life has not. I honestly think people at the churches I have been to or going to right now we just know me for a guy that runs and nothing more. I have been going to different churches here and there lately trying to see where I truly belong. I dunno I'm maybe I should go back to the Vineyard but I know some of my friends have moved on or moved away and that's ok it's life. Though honestly I don't think everyone at church doesn't know the real me or what makes me tick or any other interests that I know of. We get busy with something else or I think they think I'm too out there at times. It's been hard for me to trust maybe because I'm afraid of getting hurt or because of my Asperger's & ADD I'm looked at differently or being treated differently.
I seen friends come and go. I'm going to be very honest the way of going or living life & being not happy at times at work I'm going to end up like Mickey Rourke's Character in The Wrestler
I going to be honest (Using that word a lot) I think I might some sort of DEPRESSION. Seeing less of my Family, friends, and after I'm done with coaching cross & track for the season does not help it that much.
I might just be rambling like I usually do but I want to change how I feel and have to go on a blog rant of how miserable I am at times. I really want to change some bad habits in my life and form good ones. Honestly, the only good habit I have is working out. I can get myself into shape easily and motivate my athletes to do their best no matter what. But other areas in life such as praying, reading, & being able to read people a certain way I fall a couple strides short.
I know what I want to do this fall besides coaching again. I want to run a marathon. This fall it will be 4 years this coming Fall that I have ran a Full Marathon. I spent my attention in 2013,14 and 15 focusing on the Half that it may have caused most of my injuries and I want to run a full again this Fall now that I'm almost fully healthly but I really want to go for it and PR while I still have the chance. The Best Place COLUMBUS in October
Also, I trying my best to reconnect with friends and keep the friendships I got. We all get busy in life but it that is what makes us feel better about ourselves and they like Family encourage your dreams and goals in life.
I need to pray more and ask what is on my heart much more than ever. Maybe over the years I taught myself to be tough in hard times and fire right back that I didn't need God or that I was angry at times with him when it came to that. I'm opening up right now a little more than I've ever did in the last few years with this blog some things funny and some serious. We all have Hard Times or deal with things that bring us down but one thing for sure I want to be more positive and open. Though I realize I need a little bit of help. I can't do this by myself. So keep praying for me but pray especially for those who are much worse than we are. That's my Two Cents and here is a famous Wrestling Promo to leave you on.
DUSTY RHODES HARD TIMES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9py4aMK3aIU
